Elsie's Birth Story

*WARNING: this is a long post. Also, I do talk about and refer to many birth related things. If that weirds you out, you can't say I didn't warn you.*

For weeks prior to my due date, I had been having contractions that made me wonder if our Elsie girl was coming early. Along with the contractions, I was also more dilated/effaced as the weeks went by. My midwife was certain I wouldn't go full term and so was I. Alas, April 10th came closer and closer. Then it passed. I became so anxious! On Saturday, April 13th, I was very emotional as I struggled to balance feeling like I was trusting God's perfect plan in one moment and in the next, pleading with Him to bring Elsie to us soon and on her own. That night, my dear friend, Annika, took me on a date to Shari's. We ate greasy food and laughed. Then we walked around Wal-Mart where I had some contractions and joked that labor had to be coming soon.

The next morning was Sunday, April 14th, four days past Elsie's due date. I woke up around seven o'clock to a contraction that made me think Ouch!! This really hurts! But I didn't think anything of it... until the next one came just a few short minutes later. I had a couple more contractions in bed. As I felt the fourth one coming, I jumped out of bed because it was too painful to work through laying down. I went to the bathroom, walked around, and decided to start timing them. They were coming every four to five minutes. I sat on our yoga ball, breathing to relax because the contractions were getting more and more intense. I decided that I should probably take a shower in case I really was in labor. As I showered, the contractions still came. I found myself washing my hair super fast, knowing that the next one was coming. A contraction would come and I would get in the zone, waiting for it to pass. Then I washed my body super fast before the next one. It was all about making it through the next contraction. I got dressed as quickly as possible so that I could wake Danny up. I calmly said, "Sweetie. Hey... so, I think I'm in labor." He jumped out of bed instantly, wondering why I didn't wake him up sooner! At this point it was 8:45 am. Believer it or not, I wasn't 100% convinced that it was true labor yet.

After Danny was awake enough and dressed, we finished packing the hospital bag. Then we notified our doulas and my best friend, who would all make up my support team. Our sister had arrived to take care of Amelia and we had called the hospital to say we would be on our way soon. The moment I knew for sure I was in labor was when Danny asked for a phone number while I was in the middle of a contraction and I snapped back, "That's what Google is for!" Shortly after this, we left for the hospital! 

We were welcomed at the hospital by the most lovely nurses at 10 am. Our delivery nurse was Ileine, a very sweet, older nurse. The birthing center was quiet and slow. I was only the third laboring mom to be there that day. We went to our room where they checked my dilation and monitored my contractions. I was seven centimeters dilated and fully effaced! The contractions were still coming every four minutes. We were shocked and ecstatic! The nurse even noted during one of my contractions how I was beginning to shake, excited that I was already near transition! All that time spent being over due and having random contractions really did help. We were definitely "keepers"!

But there were a few things to clear up before they got things going. At my last pre-natal appointment, my midwife informed me that because of my gestational diabetes, we wouldn't be able to do a water birth as planned. However, there was a blood test she could run that, if it came back within normal range, could reverse my diagnosis, making me eligible to do a water birth. I gave blood at my last appointment the week before but we hadn't heard the results yet. Because of that, we just anticipated not being able to do the water birth. Roberta, the charge nurse, confirmed with the women's clinic that the results had actually come back and were within normal range! So the nurses began inflating the tub and filling it with water in another room while I labored on the yoga ball {my best friend until I got in the water}. An hour passed and we were finally able to go to the room where I would deliver our baby. I walked down the hall and Roberta told me I could stop if my contractions were too much. I said, "NOPE! I'm walking this baby out!" 

We settled into our room and I couldn't get in the birthing pool fast enough. The water was warm and amazing. I was starting to feel so achy in my back and hips. But water combined with massage from my support people nearly alleviated that pain. It helped me feel light as I worked through the contractions. We did very little monitoring through-out my whole labor. However, there were just a couple stretches where they had to monitor Elsie's heart through contractions. My midwife, June, was still being cautious about the gestational diabetes, which I could respect. Thankfully, they were able to do the monitoring while I was still in the tub. Nurse Ileine was shaky while she did the monitoring. Our charge nurse had informed us earlier in the morning that it was Ileine's first water birth, since the hospital has only allowed them for the last year and a half. She was also really chatty, which annoyed me at first. But I realize looking back that that was probably her sweet, little nerves.

the best cheerleader ever ♥

I spent two hours in the pool before my contractions were combined with feeling like I needed to push. June had me get out so she could check for progress in my dilation. I was still seven centimeters. At this point she said, "Well, the water is helping you stay comfortable. We need to do something different if you want to progress faster. We can break your water if you want. That will speed things up for sure." to which I replied, "Are there any other options?" She suggested walking around and remaining upright as much as possible. I went with that. For about twenty minutes, I alternated walking around my room and doing deep squats through contractions. But still I wondered if I should just have her break my water. Danny and I went into the bathroom where I had a contraction. Then I asked him what he thought about having my water broken. He said, "I don't know. It feels like we would be taking too much control. We have trusted all along that God would bring Elsie at exactly the right time. Maybe we should just wait a little bit and see what happens." I fully agreed and appreciated his gentle leading. June came in to jokingly say, "Don't have that baby on the toilet!" We laughed, I used the restroom, and had another contraction. This one was the most intense one yet. I thought it would be getting over and it just kept happening. I was yelling a lot and then I felt my body starting to push. I couldn't believe how involuntary of a feeling it was! Because of my "pushy sounds", June ran in to say that I needed to get in the birthing pool as soon as possible. This was around 1:30 pm, just three and a half hours after getting to the hospital!

I got back into the tub as quickly as I could. They monitored Elsie one last time and I remember thinking Hurry and be done! I need to have this baby! They finished about ten minutes later. June had me feel for Elsie's head in the birth canal. Oh my heavens, it was right there! I said to June, "I think it's her head!? It's really hard!" June replied, "Alrighty! That means you won't be pregnant for much longer!" In that moment, I felt a surge of adrenaline as I realized it was go-time. June told me that in order to get Elsie under my pubic bone and out quickly, I had to lean back through contractions as opposed to leaning forward {like hanging over the side of the pool which I had been doing the whole time prior}. It didn't sound as comfortable as I would have liked but I was willing to give it a try. I settled into my birthing position which was leaning back into Danny's arms as he knelt outside the pool behind me. The birthing tub had handles on each side. And believe me, I used those suckers {a day later and for about three days past that, my entire upper body was sore, as if I had done bench presses for days!}. Amanda and June were to my left, encouraging me with words, ice water, and gentle touch as I began to push Elsie down and out.

I had no idea what to expect as far as the pain... only that it would be the most intense feeling of my life. And oh wow, was it ever. The term I hear most often is "ring of fire". Yes, that. I had no idea how to breathe through that kind of pain so I screamed bloody murder a couple of times. But Danny and Amanda would remind me to go low so I would try to make low rumble sounds mostly. Think of the song Misty Mountains Cold from The Hobbit. I wish I were kidding! My entire support team reminded me to keep breathing, to not panic, and to let it all happen slowly.

all glowy & stuff

After a couple good pushes, Elsie's head was coming out. During this contraction, my water broke. I was in water so I figured I wouldn't notice. Nope. I felt it... like a giant balloon bursting inside me, I felt the pressure of it all. And it freaked the heck out of me! So much so that I screamed about that, too. {I'm glad it was a quiet day in the birthing center... people might have thought I was insane.} Everyone yelled, "It's ok!! That was your water breaking! You're doing so great! She's almost here!" Next I had to push her shoulders out. My midwife was really encouraging me to just let Elsie hang out so that everything would have more of a chance to stretch. This would lessen the severity of tearing. But the urge to push and wanting the burning to stop was so intense that I just pushed Elsie out with one last push.

Elsie Camian Joy Maia

Instantly, the most intense pain of my life was gone! At 1:58 in the afternoon, four hours after being admitted to the hospital, I opened my eyes to see June pulling Elsie out of the water. Elsie's cord was wrapped around her shoulder so June untangled her before placing our Elsie girl in my arms. She looked at me with the brightest eyes and a few little yelps. But mostly, she was just content to be with her mama. One of the first things I said about her was, "Oh my word!! She looks just like Amelia!" After a few minutes of snuggles, Danny cut her umbilical cord. Then he took her for some skin-to-skin time while I was helped into bed to deliver the placenta and get stitches for a second degree tear. Forty five minutes later, Elsie latched perfectly and nursed for an hour. She was 8 pounds 5 ounces {the exact weight as her big sister}, 20 3/4 inches long with a head circumference of 14.5 inches!

our family of four

A couple hours after Elsie was born, I showered. We spent some time admiring our sweet girl. And at 5 pm, our sister, Liz, brought Amelia to the hospital so she could meet her little sister. It was love at first sight. Amelia couldn't get enough of Elsie. My mama heart about exploded.

I am overwhelmed with joy over getting to have my perfect birth! There's so much more I could say but I want to save all of that for a more reflective, debriefing post. Overall, it was the most amazing experience of my life so far. :)

My Freezer Meal Prep Day

Well, this is kind of over due. Like me. Ha... see what I did there? In all seriousness though, I've been meaning to write this post for a month now. I did a freezer meals day back in March in preparation for the birth of our second baby {*ahem* who I'd like to remind was due April 10th}. I then shared a photo of the loot with my inter-web friends who then wanted details. So here we are!

First, I have to say that it was WAY more work than what Jaima, the blogger whom I got the majority of guidance from, made it out to be. But it was worth it. And it was less work than some other meal preps I've done in the past. Second, none of this is original {read I didn't come up with this in any way, shape, or form}. I just hit up my "mmm mmm good" Pinterest board and went to town.

This here is the the starting point: http://www.ringaroundtherosies.net/2012/02/freezer-cooking.html. Jaima outlines how she prepped her meals and has printable recipes of the meals she made. All but two of the recipes that I'm going to list later are from her site. They're not all at the link above. If you browse her blog more {which I totally did}, you'll find more yummy recipes. I just found the ones that sounded good for my family. Do the same for yours!

Next, I will list out the recipes I used and what we thought of them. If there are no comments, we haven't eaten them yet. Also, the last two recipes are from other sites, which I have included the link to:
Banana Nut Muffins {They were inhaled! I think they were good.}
Pepper Steak
Baked Goulash {My mom had given us a batch of her homemade spaghetti sauce so really, it was an adaptation of this recipe. In any case, it was amazing and simple. We used Ditalini pasta and it was perfect. Amelia calls it "circle pasta goulash". Hehe.}
Cilantro Lime Chicken w/ Black Beans & Corn {Super simple and yummy. We served it in tortillas which was a bit messy due to how juicy the filling is. I think it would be perfect over a bed of chips and lettuce! I loved avocado and sour cream with it.}
Slow Cooked Beef Fajitas {A huge hit. I will never make fajitas any other way.}
Sausage & Peppers
Teriyaki Chicken {We really liked this. However, it wasn't as "teriyaki-ey" as I would've liked. Not sure why?}
Lazy Day Stew {Ok, this was a pain to cook. I think because I didn't thaw it all the way. Nor did I cook it on low. It really does need to cook on low for a while after being thawed out. Once that happened, the flavor was amazing. It doesn't look very appealing but I think that's pretty typical of stew. We served it over quinoa!}
Layered Enchildad Casserole {This is so easy to throw together and really delicious. I ended up doubling the recipe and making two casseroles because why not?}
Crock Pot Chicken Enchilada Soup {This isn't typically a freezer meal. It's just a favorite of ours that I wanted to make. The flavor wasn't as yummy as when I make it fresh. But still, we'll take it!}

Alright! So once I knew what recipes I was prepping, I made my ingredients list. I'm not sure the best way to do this. I think you'll know what works for you. My favorite part was going through our pantry and crossing items off the list that I already had. Then I set off to the grocery store. Actually, my mom did because I ended up getting a really bad cold while I planning all of this. I got the rest of the ingredients at Fred Meyer and Costco. And ladies, I didn't even use coupons or shop sales. It's a shame, really. Even still, I spent $144.87 to make two batches of muffins and eighteen dinners. Um, WIN! And nearly every dinner we have made so far has given us leftovers. So that's awesome, too. 

Once the ingredients were gathered, I started cutting away. Lots of veggies to cut. And meat. Jaima said she did all this following prep in a nap time or two hours. Yeah... she's SuperMom or something. I actually made the muffins the day before. The whole rest of the prep work took me about six hours. I just spent that time cutting veggies, cutting meat, putting them into appropriate bags, and putting them away in the freezer. I was 36 weeks pregnant so maybe that made me slow? I don't know. Either way, I was super excited when I opened my freezer at the end of the day and saw this!

With the exception of cooking the chicken for the casserole and cooking the muffins before freezing, everything else goes in raw. With other meal preps I've done, we actually did cooking then packaging.. all on the same day. Honestly, that was hell compared to this. I would love to eventually do this once a month for my family. Not only would it bless us but I've thought about how easy it would be to give meals for someone in need at the last minute. I know a ton of new mommies! :) Might as well share the treasures.

A few random tid bits that I didn't know where to put into the above commentary: 
- Remember! The majority of these recipes make TWO dinners {well, about enough to feed a family of two adults & two small children}! Each recipe is split into two different bags. This blew my mind and was reason enough to make me do the meal prep.
- If you can't spare the six hours in one day it's easy to spread out over a of couple days. You don't have to bust out that many recipes in one go around.
- Don't forget your Ziploc freezer bags!! And write the meal name/instructions with Sharpie the night before.
- Save your ingredients list and recipe list. I'm already looking forward to how much less work the next prep day will be for me because I kept everything in a little folder, including my receipts so I could see about how much I spent.
- OH! When putting your ingredients into the bag, I've found that it really does matter when you put the meat in the bag! Especially on the bags that are a bit more full after everything is in. When you dump the contents into your crock pot, you want the meat on the bottom so it cooks well {that was part of my issue with the Lazy Day Stew}. So, put your meat in last if you can!
- Jaima suggests cutting your chicken breasts in half so that you have four strips per bag. I second this!

I hope this was somewhat helpful! If you have any questions, ask away. Let me know if you end up doing this and how it works for your family! Danny has loved having yummy meals. And I have loved not cooking. It's a really great situation these days!

{Messy Motherhood} Balancing It All

I was so excited when Kara Kae posted her prompt for this month's Messy Motherhood Link-Up! The idea of balance is a widely discussed topic in the circle of motherhood. And while we like to talk about it and share ideas, there is actually no perfect way to balance it all. I'm a different mama than you with totally different kids. But what we can do is encourage each other! That's what I love about these link-ups. 

With that, I want to share some things that came to mind as I thought about how I balance life. Let's get one point straight right off the bat... I kind of really stink at it. In fact, I went through my old blog posts and found that I've even written about it a lot over the last year or so! I think it's a constant work in my life, wouldn't you say? 

I've learned over the last few months the importance of knowing when to say "No." while deciding how to prioritize life. For me, when looking at bigger matters, that has meant choosing to be a stay-at-home rather than having a career as a health care provider. And by the way, I'm SO thankful to be a stay-at-home mom. I love it more than I ever thought I would. Another area of my life that I've had to say no in is ministry. For three years, I was a leader in our church's high school youth group. But when Amelia was about nine months old, I began to wrestle with the balancing act of it all. More than a year later, as I'm expecting our second child, I'm finding contentment in just being at home with my family. It hasn't been easy but it's been so worth it. Of course, not every yes or no decision is as grand as your career or ministry. As a pregnant mom to a toddler, I've had to say no to lesser matters such as packed schedules and late nights out with friends, even chores some days when I'm super tired. Like this morning. It was the best thing for me to just lay on the couch, watching cartoons while Amelia and I snuggled. The stuff can wait. When we prioritize correctly, our hearts are more peaceful which means our homes are more peaceful. I love what Mackenzie over at Life of a Pint-Sized Mama said recently about this:

"Because moms, although it's hard to admit, 

we are often the thermostat of our house."

  

Something else that has helped me manage life as a mother is flexibility! I have a pretty type A personality. I like things to be neat and in order. Before having Amelia, I carried a planner with me everywhere! My whole life was in that thing. I only wrote in pencil because if something changed, I wanted to be able to *neatly* change my plans instead of scribbling and rewriting. Fast forward to now and that just doesn't happen anymore. I still love schedule and routine. But my toddler just doesn't jive with that strict way of life. I've learned to be mostly ok with this change. We have our routines throughout the day {meals, nap time, play time, etc.}. But there's no specific time for each portion of our day. Flexiblity isn't just important in your daily routine at home either. I've learned recently that it's necessary for planned outings as well {i.e. play dates & grocery trips}. If Amelia is too tired and/or misbehaving {let's be honest... those usually go hand in hand, right?} I have to be flexible enough to set a boundary and choose to leave something fun for the sake of both of us. It's so inconvenient and frustrating at times. But our kids learn great lessons in those moments. Even we do. 

I would say the most important key to balancing it all is grace. Grace and more grace. Grace times infinity. You just have to have it. With yourself, your spouse, your kids. It's essential. Because let's face it, we want to do everything, all the time. And truthfully, sometimes we even have to! But we just can't. One of my very favorite mama quotes:

"I have to do it all.

I can’t do any of it.

But Christ in me can." 

- Jessi Connolly, Naptime Diaries 

Can I get an AMEN?! The days where my grace tank is empty are often the most stressful days for me. But when I choose to seek Jesus and trust that He has me covered the whole day long, it's just bliss. When we function in that grace and pour it out on our families, specifically our children, they see Christ in us. That is so humbling and eye-opening for me! Amelia will model after the way I give/receive grace. 

What are we showing our kids about Jesus in our daily life? Do I have enough grace for the times I don't balance it all well? Am I flexible enough to change plans at the last minute for the growth of myself and Amelia? Do I say no to the right things so that my family gets the best of me? I sure pray so.

I may be getting the hang of it nowadays. But give me a couple months. It will start all over when baby Elsie arrives. And then there will be grace.

The Season of Unbalanced & Messy

Do you ever just know when you're in of those seasons? Where life just feels unbalanced and messy? That's kind of where I've been for a few months. I think it's safe to say it all started when we found out I was pregnant with our second kiddo. Don't get me wrong, I was super excited to be pregnant. But as my first trimester progressed, I began to have terrible bouts of nausea. We also moved from the apartment we had lived in for three and a half years into the basement of our friends home. Talk about a lot of change in a month, right?

But even with those two huge changes, I expected that I would continue on with life as it was. There were a few ideas and passions that my heart was tied up in. I continued to plan and get excited about them until it slowly started to set in that life was definitely changing.

The biggest change was my involvement with our church's youth ministry, specifically the high school youth group. When you've spent three years investing into a group of awesome people {leaders and students alike}, there's a piece of your heart that they just get to have. But seriously, it took every square inch of my physical being to go to the kick off night back in September. I had been so sick with nausea and vomiting for a few weeks at that point. I had little energy but I was so happy to be there. A couple weeks after that, I could barely get up from the couch to take care of Amelia, let alone be lively enough for a group of high school students.

Each week I would send Jason, our youth pastor, a text saying I couldn't make it. As you can imagine, the weeks went by and I began to feel so disconnected. The group still held a special part of my heart but it was evident that my role as a youth leader was slowly slipping from me. The group had been meeting for several weeks already once I started to feel better physically. There were new students I didn't know. There had been lots of relational growth that I wasn't part of. It just felt awkward when I thought about going back. And so I didn't.

There have been parts of me that are completely content with this change. I see the way some of my best friends are growing as leaders in our church. I see the relationships being built between students and leaders as discipleship is done well. I see a group that started out small and basement dwelling turning into a large group of passionate high school students that can barely fit into our church's multi-purpose room. It's all from the "side-lines" so to speak but I see all this awesome-ness happening and it fills my heart with joy! Not to mention what the change means for us at home. My schedule has been mostly wide open and free of any major commitments. No weekend retreats, no event planning, no girls nights hosting, no camps, minimal coffee dates with girls {mind you, all these things I LOVED!!}. This time that I have had with Amelia has been so sweet. Especially as the months pass by and I realize we will soon have two precious girls to love on. I've been able to rest my very tired body. I've been able to finally wrap my mind around having another baby. I have time to clean! There's been time to just BE at home.

And then enters the part of me that feels not-so-content with this change. It was hard to switch gears as quickly as I had to. For the last few months, there have been weak moments where instead of choosing joy over all the awesome things God is doing in our youth group and our youth leaders, I choose frustration and bitterness. Instead of choosing to love the normal moments at home, I choose jealousy. I had to say no to so much that I wasn't quite ready to say no to at the time. But I knew I had to. I knew it was for the best.

I know I've said this before in a few brief status updates and tweets over the last few months. But I just needed to put it out there like this, the bigger picture. This season has been really hard for me. There's so much about serving in youth ministry that I miss with all my heart. {And trust me, I still go to the Facebook page for the youth group and the youth leaders, just to see what's new. Just to feel at least somewhat in-the-loop.} But in the very same heart that misses all of that, there is also contentment. There is a realization that God is still using me and growing me. Even if it's just at home {as the lies tell me}. Because right now, this is the best place for me. With the unbalanced messiness of it all, I'm learning to embrace this season. It's actually not a bad one.

Have you been in one of those seasons? Are you in it now? The type of season where it hurts but it's so good because you know God is still there, growing you through it all. Think on this:

"Celebrate God all day, every day. I mean, revel in him! Make it as clear as you can to all you meet that you’re on their side, working with them and not against them. Help them see that the Master is about to arrive. He could show up any minute! Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."

Philippians 4:4-7, The Message {italics mine}

The Rescue Plan

Well, I did a really poor job with my Thanksgiving posts. I was bummed I didn't keep up with it but life happens, right? Every time I write I post, I think Wow! I'm so glad I did that. I feel lighter. But for some reason, it's just not my go-to thing like it used to be. That aside...

I'm SO excited for this Christmas. Last year, Amelia was ten months old. She walked around and got into the wrapping paper and boxes. She loved the lights and decor. But there wasn't much interaction with Christmas beyond that. This year, Amelia is almost two. And oh my goodness, she's loving the Christmas season so far. Everything about it. As her mama, I'm loving it, too! It's amazing how different the perspective of a child is and how much lovelier it makes life seem. This hit me yesterday as Danny and I were doing our Advent activity with Amelia.

amelia's little nativity

We are reading the Jesus Storybook Bible Advent plan to Amelia along with doing a new activity everyday. Yesterday we sat up her Nativity toy set while I read her "The Terrible Lie". To be honest, I actually hesitated in reading her the story at the same time we set up her Nativity scene. We had just been super happy about Baby Jesus and how excited we were to celebrate His birth. Then comes this story of how sin entered the world and it was awful... you most likely know how it all goes.

After telling Amelia who the characters were in her Nativity scene, I said, "We are going to learn in the coming days why we are so excited about Jesus' birth! And why He is so special."

Then God said to me, "You need to read the story now." I got nervous! What the heck? So I opened her Bible and began to read. She saw the serpent as I was reading and said, "Not nice!!" We read on and she would repeat some of the words I was reading out loud. The more I read, the more it sunk into my heart that the reason I had to read the story then, in that moment, was because the sadness of sin entering the world must be paired with the joy of our Savior being born. It just has to be.

Yes, Adam and Eve sinned. They listened to the mean snake and they ate the yucky fruit, I tell Amelia. And because of that we couldn't be close to God anymore. But God had a Rescue Plan so that we could be close to Him again! And the reason we are SO excited about Baby Jesus is because He is our Rescuer. He will save us. He will bring us close to God again.

That's why they have to go together. 

I know Amelia doesn't get most of this yet. But she knows that snake is mean, not nice! She knows we love God. She knows that Jesus is someone very special. That little Baby Jesus figurine gets lots of loves, believe me. She enjoys our meal time and bed time prayers. Yet I was so afraid to read her the truth... the joy verses the sadness, in case it might make her worry or be upset. Instead, she just soaked it up! And you know I did as well. I choked back tears as I finished the story. I've been a Christian for eleven years and my heart so needed to hear the Rescue Plan again. It needed to hear the truth of our Promised Savior, born that man no more may die.

   "You see, no matter what, in spite of everything, God would love his children - with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love. 
    And though they would forget him, and run from him, deep in their hearts, God's children would miss him always, and long for him - lost children yearning for their home. 
    Before they left the garden, God whispered a promise to Adam and Eve: 'It will not always be so! I will come to rescue you! And when I do, I'm going to do battle against the snake. I'll get rid of the sin and the dark and the sadness you let in here. I'm coming back for you!'
    And he would. One day, God Himself would come." - The Jesus Storybook Bible, Sally Lloyd Jones

Come, let us adore Him!